you want to chat and resolve but they just dont think its important. Taking action to stop the madness is exactly the right thing to do. Good observation Daniel. After 30 years what Ive noticed with my aspie husband is that hes only gotten worse and in fact at midlife he had a major crisis and left me. Ive done so much research on line and his father had it pretty badly and his older son has been diagnosed. Start with that. I tried to reach out and talk about what happened, our feelings and he shut me down saying it has no sense to talk about that and that all has already been said. In fact it was the one of my anxiety attacks that upset our plans that triggered this latest shutdown. It's so sad and hard to give up this wonderful person. happened upon this site- and I have to say, I , a NT woman in her 50's who has seen, experienced almost all the ASP behavior from my 6 year relationship with my man-there isn't a week I don't think of ending the relationship, but I'm addicted to his charm,brilliance , drive, humor, and intent. I never said anything negative about having Asperger's nor was I trying to label him. Pneumonia, cancer and serious but non-life threatening illnesses are his time to take a vacation with friends. Guy: "Emotions are unreliable. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". You are not alone Ashley. Aspies are truly amazing people however as a NT I understand that some NT people may not be able to manage such a situation day by dayand everyone should ensure their own health needs come first. wow it sounds like Im reading about my self. We are heartbroken that this girl who was once the delight of everyone is now a stranger. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Once you become Trauma bondedthe devalue stage sets in. I tried calling a couple times and his phone would go straight to voicemail. I did us both a favor by ending the suffering. All this while also catering to and coddling the ASD partner like a child as to never upset him. And I mean down for days. or how much space do I give him? They would always say yelling is not abuse but I think thats wrong. Im a writer, and he wanted to read everything Ive ever written. So I took a big step back from my relationship with him and a big step towards my relationship with me. I have no words. with no regard to how they will be impacted . The whole 3 years he was sexting other people whilst pretending to be a girl and when i found out he told me he loved me and wont do it again and that it was his only outlet because no one knows he is bi. He is extremely caring, loyal and goes out his way to make me feel special at times. Completely shut off from even asking me, how can I make you happy. Youre certainly not an expert in psychology or neurology just because you belong to a neurotype any more than a person with cancer isnt an oncologist. Get out. Its called sulking or Silent Treatment or Ghosting. Im going to die in this nothingness. Your boyfriend is a very confused man and the explanation is probably ASD. She was defensive. He ghosted me out of the blue after one fight / tantrum he created, and stopped answering my messages, and never even broke up with me. However, if you can stop the gaslighting, and silent treatment, and general verbal abuse fairly early on, it is possible to eke out positive changes. I feel so sorry for some of the women here. I'll post references on my own blog soon enough of where you can find out more. You can call and aspies like its a cute name or something, but these people are monsters. But for Autists its out of sight, out of mind. The problem is that he has been allowing another woman to pursue him. What a nightmare life is without the simple things. The first time he did not speak, email, text or call me for 1 month. I spent a lot of years struggling with my own NeuroDivergent family, so when I developed this course, I had that suffering as a backdrop for my words. We planed so many things for our future. The term for this behavior is hoovering, derived from the famous Hoover vacuum, because when you're finally free of the abusive relationship, they can suck you back in.But be prepared for a bait-and-switch maneuver. After continuing as friends for a while when I told him we can work this out he immediately agreed for a relationship. All this while, he hid the fact of his aspergers. Its not that they dont care its total. I can see how destroyed he is when he comes out of an episode. I am usually super patient and either keep silent or try to gently discuss it while he changes the subject or agrees with me but doesnt change. I feel the ball is in his hands now. I was no longer of any use because i dared to ask for support with menopause. I understand everything about this, We were talking things out better. actually, at 65 just a life without his never ceasing childish bickering. You are generous to give so much time. Determined to do everything right, you did what you do and dove in head first. I thought I was living in a nightmare because this was not the person I had dated. You are here: the ranch radio station charlie o in the morning; lovers' lane murders solved; why do aspies suddenly back off in relationshipshow much to pay rabbi for baby naming. If you are please check out the power and control wheel and see if there are any groups on healthy/unhealthy relationships in your area.his behaviour sounds emotionally abusive. Oh my God. Aspie shutdown and withdrawal is a big part of how autism affects relationships. If you can do that you may have a relationship that gives you some sense of love. If you question him, he takes it personally. I have tried to Express my feelings to him and he shut me down saying he doesnt want to hear it. boxes and gives people fake phone numbers when he first meets them. He constantly will just get dressed and leave and then come back surprised I got worried about him. Tell me what do I need to do? I dont underestand why I love her, But I do, And I dont want to lose her Im so tired. I cant help someone whos silent. I was making conversation in an IM and he took it as an insult. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously. How am I supposed to give of myself and take huge risks if he cannot even state that he is moving forward with me. Was this at all like the aspie-neurotypical relationship youve experienced, or is it similar to your current relationship? Unless Im bleeding, vomiting, having a heart attack right then and there, in the hospital, etc. He has a psychologist who reinforces some of his behaviors. Similarly, manipulative behaviour can often come across as simply "needy". with. I communicated to him that I was feeling like he doesnt see a future with me. Why can't you focus on reliable information, like facts?" Girl: "You're weird. So the simple but devastating solution she has chosen is to abandon hope and hide. Am alarmed to think it could continue for years, admire you coping as long as you have. So be very clear, if they need their space, we must clearly explain that their behaviour is not acceptable and that they can reach out to us when ready to continue. When I tried to open up about deep and painful stuff, they just said, hmm. It really hurt. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. We are on day 3 of no talking. We met in college and were smitten. Was married 10 years the first time, about 3 years too long, before I finally left and almost 11 this time and its complicated. And if there is a issue forget it hes on the attack then shuts down. When he does see me he can't take he's eyes off me, smiling and blushing like a child and he's in he's 50's. I apologise for the excessive "male-orientated" viewpoint in this post. It did not go well. He told me about his condition in our first meeting and said he is not looking for anything serious. I first noticed that they seemed to act fake almost? I generally like to stay positive on this blog and assume that people are not necessarily "evil" but simply misguided. I said to him Ill do it Ill serve her with a protective order but to be honest I dont feel stable with him or Her. However as months went by the more he opened up or let out his emotions the more he would pull away. We could never finish a single conversation. The silent treatment is really a cruel form of abuse and it includes more, like ignoring and shunning, and treating you as if your opinion doesnt count. Take care. Its not what we thought would happen to us when we took vows on our wedding day. We too went through bouts of hyperfocus, honeymoon phases and then he would back off for a minute and then come around again. Each is shaped by their background, their upbringing, their beliefs and their local customs. And sometimes he will shut down and while being silent send a news article to me about something funny or relating to my likes. He does not want to be tested. So i can not know what happened to him that i can deal with it. He is 41 and I am 38. The aspie may find it easier to go quiet and say nothing than to speak their mind. Its hard to say if this woman is really interested in you, but in any case, dont work so hard. There are probably posts on here about it; I'm not sure. So then I asked if he is anticipating a scene because he is thinking of breaking up with me, and thats when he said he is not sure. You didnt so dont cry to me later on. Did things improve? First, for the couple, please take my recorded online course. My wife and I are having a difficult time and I want to talk to her about it and work on things but she shuts me out. Here is the clincher, if it will make you feel any better or to understand the mindset your AS person may be going through as well. I decided that I was happy in the relationship but we had to break up because I asked him only twice in 6 months if he would ever consider marriage later or if he knows that he wants to be a bachelor forever. People with Asperger's may be erroneously perceived as "not having emotion." Communication and emotional regulation issues can make relationships challenging for those with Asperger's . All the acting and insecurities. Being blocked or froze out for days is really destroying. Update: Ive had little communication from him but a text to say he misses me. They even take their friendship beyond the office and talk about the bike rides they went on or the other activities they did together. I wrote him once one year ago but he never answered so i just let him be better off without me. On the other hand if you have to compromise too much, it may be time to leave. Hope you are well whatever happened. He cant lie very well. Its been over a month now. We have four kids, 11, 9, and 5-yr old twins, one of whom was diagnosed ASD several years ago. I felt better when I stopped pretending and covering for him and us. Your partner had seen the worst of you and loved it deeply, but suddenly this tiny detail was catastrophic. If you can get outi appreciate some cannotrunkeep running and never look back. The flirting and laughter was gone. Is it hard to date an autistic man? It is not too late. I am getting the silent treatment at the moment. 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